Social Issues, Relationships, Marriages, society, Relationships

Marriage Vs. Deal!

Marriages are made in heaven. However, the deal is finalized here, on earth. May sound wacky, but let’s face it. That’s how marriages are done in our society.

When parents marry their little daughter, they are partly happy and hugely nervous and scared. The reason of their happiness is understood but why scared. There should not be any reasons to be scared.

She found her new home. She found her soul mate. She found her new family.

Are these reasons to be scared?

Importantly, are these reasons justify for bride’s parents to be scared?

Scared because they are marrying their daughter. Scared because everything needs to be perfect. Scared because the whole responsibilities of the functions are on the shoulders of parents of the bride.

Scared because they don’t know if the groom will be able to fulfill all his promises made to their daughter. Scared because what if their daughter faces domestic violence. Scared because what if their daughter has an abusive relationship. Scared what if their daughter could not handle the problems and comes home.

Let me tell you bride’s parents are scared for their lifetime.

What to do? How do we solve these problems?

Solution is let’s make a deal.

Now to curb the anxiety and tension, deal is made between two families.

To make sure that their son in law will keep their daughter happy, deal is done.

To make sure in laws would treat the girl like their own daughter, deal is done.

To make sure that she will be guaranteed life time happiness, deal is done.

The word, deal that I am using here could be used in terms of money, expensive gifts to allure, or basically we can short it down to dowry.

And if they are not happy with the services provided by the bride’s parents, they might have to give up their dignity and self-respect as well.

We have seen many times in Bollywood movies where bride’s parents are standing with their hands folded, tears in eyes, and are so helpless. Yes, maybe that’s too much for us. But even now people still have that fear of being a parent to a girl.

For how long we will have to make these deals to ensure that every girl is happy in her married life?

We live in a 21st Century. Most of the times, young kids take their own decisions. They are educated, independent, smart, and broadminded.

Why they become conservative and talk about so called values when it comes to the marriages. Why a boy doesn’t stop his parents when his parents start demanding from his bride or bride’s parents? How a girl can let this happen to her parents? Why she does not ask her parents not to stoop down when it comes to dowry or any other demand? How can a boy expect gifts or luxury items from his bride’s parents?

Not only this, apparently, people have given a new name to “dowry” and also to “giving up self-respect”. The modern name is “Gesture”.

I get surprised when I see well informed people are completely alright with this tradition and call it a sweet gesture knowingly that it’s a crime.

Don’t fulfill your dreams on somebody else’s expenses.

Should not love and understanding be enough for each other to live life? Should not there be respect for each other’s parents? Should not we get past things like giving and receiving gifts?

Something to think about?

Cover Image: Google Images

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Relationships, Mother, Daughter, Uncategorized

Dear Future Mom (in-law)

Dear Future Mom in- law,

Hii, I hope you are fine, fit and healthy wherever you are. I am in no hurry to meet you for next two three years. I am busy focusing on my career right now and want to establish myself before I meet you and your son.

However, I am also really excited for the fact that I will get to live with you. You know, I have always heard girls complaining about how pain in the ass can mom in laws be. Sorry using such words. But that’s how they say it.

Yes, they complain and always complain about their respective mom in laws. They also say that the second most dangerous word after bomb is mother in law.

The picture that I have in my mind of you is that you never smile. You are the most difficult person to live with. You demand and always demand and you moan. You are the most irritated person ever. You deliberately create problems in life. AND MUCH MORE!

Can you be that evil?

I DOUBT.

I respectfully disagree.

First of all, you have always been the boss of the house. So there is no way I can handle that responsibility well. I should not expect to be the queen of the house and you should not demand that I would learn everything immediately. I will have to learn and for which I might trouble you again and again. We have to patiently deal with this home handling situation.

Secondly, you and I may have a fallout. You and I may not agree on certain things. We may not talk for days. But that does not mean I hate you. You also should not call my parents or relatives or anybody and complain about me.

Sometimes, I do have small arguments with my mom. But I don’t go out and speak ill of her and make her villain of my life. I won’t ever do to you too.

Thirdly, I feel that by tagging our relationship with the word in law, we automatically bridge a gap between us. I don’t want us to be separated by the term in law. I want you to be my mom like my own mom with whom I can share anything and everything.

I want to be a daughter who knows what you expect, what you want and what you need.

I want to have a bond with you that when I come to you feeling sick or low, you comfort me with your care and put me to sleep.

Also I expect you to encourage me in my career like my mother has been doing all these years or like you have been doing for your son. I don’t want you to get influenced by people saying daughter in laws should stay at home and look only good taking care of the household chores.

I am not saying I will not take care of the house or the family. I will definitely give my 100% to the family. But I also expect you to understand that I am an ambitious woman with some dreams.

Lastly, let’s be a team and turn the heads around towards us.

I hope this all come true.

See you in some years.

Love.

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social issue, Women Empowerment, Social Taboos

The Timetable!!

I think girls in India are born with the timetable. They enter the world with well-prepared schedule ready for them by their parents.

The typical journey of a girl:

She enters school when she is four or five.

By the time she is eighteen, she needs to be done with her higher education.

Then she enters college, completes her graduation and post-graduation.

After her education, she needs to put her complete focus on her career.

The time span given to her for her career is 2 years. Not more than that.

The day she turns 25 or 26, that’s when she needs to start her married life according to her timetable.

Not just this, she is also told when to produce babies according to her timetable.  (No Kidding).

All her life, she does what she is told to do. When she is asked to focus on her career, and she becomes complete career oriented, fate changes. They say, she can work on her career after her wedding also. (Popular saying: shaadi ke baad kar legi, career hi toh hai).

By chance, if she falls in love (Another popular saying: inn sabh baton mei kuch nai rakha, career pe focus karo).

Well the point is if she should not fall in love before then why even after? Just because she is 25, the time has come to fall in love.

Why her life is in the hands of others.

I am not saying elders don’t take right decisions. They have much experience than us.

However, I feel we should get past this “Timetable Pressure” and social pressure that have been on girls from decades.  Do not fix any particular age to do things.

The most common problem in a girl’s life is that we tend to find faults if she wants to do things her way.

Why can’t you let her do what she wants to do and support her. Are not this is what parents for?

Are parents only responsible to set up the timetable?

Most of the time, girls give up their dreams because they don’t feel confident about it. That’s because, instead of the assurance, doubts come up.

Instead of supporting her and saying that yes you will be able to do it, queries come up such as are you sure? Think twice. Don’t regret.

Why can’t you say, go for it. We are with you.

If she wants to work for 5 years and then get married, let her do that.

If she wants to get married before starting her career, let her do that.

If she doesn’t want to get married at all, don’t force her.

If she wants to be an entrepreneur, support her.

Be responsible for her happiness.

Do not entangle her with social taboos.

Trust her, hold her hand, give her support, let her breathe and let her live.

Cover Image Source: quotesgram.

 

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